Citizen Erased
by dannodontsurf
Summary: The rain poured heavier and Danny reached the end of the road – he hollered ear-splittingly into the air. No one could hear him. "I'm sorry, Steve! I'm so sorry!" ... Danny punched the wall with all his strength and felt a few bones crack. Tears rushed down his face. How was he supposed to accept the fact that his partner was gone? / Danny whump and flashbacks thrown in for fun.
1. Prologue

_**Prologue **_

* * *

As the Sun had touched the horizon, before it finally went down, clouds were covering up the sky. Light drizzle had just started falling from the sky. Sat on a little stone wall, staring numbly at the ocean, Danny Williams was seriously considering jumping into it. Perhaps, he wouldn't have minded colliding with the cliffs – or feeling instant pain as he would crumble against them. At the very moment, he wasn't sure what kept him sat on the wall – maybe it was his daughter, Grace. He would had given his own life for her – which was doubtlessly the reason he hadn't jumped.

Grace was the reason he came to this island.

_This damn pineapple infested hellhole. _

With time, it kind of grew on Danny. Realising as long as he'd stay in the shade – the Sun wasn't so bad. Nor was the ocean – it was somehow refreshing after a heat wave. And he even became fond of the pineapples, after Steve mixed them into his milkshake.

_This tastes good. What did you put in it?_

Steve kept repeating how his face, when he replied with 'pineapples', was priceless. Steve was uncertain whether he genuinely liked it or – he was going to choke on it. Ah, yes. Just thinking about the island got Steve back into Danny's head. He had promised to himself that he wouldn't get attached – that he wouldn't let himself like the animal Steve McGarrett was. But, he couldn't have helped it – like so many other things he couldn't have helped.

Danny's phone went off loudly. Danny probably didn't even hear it from the sounds of waves crashing into the shore. Or maybe he was in too much pain.

_How can you not fall asleep to the sounds of waves? It actually _makes _you fall asleep._

"Son of a bitch," cursed Danny as Steve's voice against roamed in his thoughts. His messy, messy thoughts. Sometimes, Danny wished he'd tell Steve what an idiot he is but he never wished to take it back. And, sometimes he told him what an idiot was. The difference was – this time, he wished to take it back but – couldn't.

Steve's words came into Danny's mind like the rain that was pouring, leaving him completely drenched.

_Now, you don't have to like me. But right now, there's no one else to do this job._

_- You're right. I don't like you._

Danny wished at that moment, more than ever, that he never had gone to this island. This damn island. The Sun that grew on him – he unexpectedly loathed it, the palms he thought of fondly – bothered him, the pineapples that he loved – he was sick of, and the partner he was keen on – was gone.

Steve McGarrett was gone, and Danny hadn't gone. He was still on the island, all alone. The waves never looked so tempting – the water never looked so dark – and Danny's heart never beat so slowly. This was the first time tears were seen on his face, even in pouring rain. It was the first time he wanted to fly – and crash. It was the first time he wanted Steve by his side – and have him there. And it was the first time Steve _wasn't_ there.

* * *

_ to be continued..._

* * *

A/N; _Guess what, I've decided to give another fanfic a try! Don't worry, Aloha au ia 'oe will be finished and regularly updated each week! I just feel like writing something a bit different this time._

_Well, here's the prologue to this fanfic. I genuinely hope you enjoy it, come back soon for a new chapter._

_It would be awesome if you wrote a review; you can write whatever you want in it. I'd just like to know whether this is a good try – or a bad try. Anyway, thank you so much for reading [ following, favoriting and/or reviewing ] and have a lovely day!_


	2. When the Walls Came Tumbling Down

**[Chapter 1] – **_**When The Walls Came Tumbling Down**_

* * *

Every story starts with a certain sentence. Often, it is 'once upon a time...'. This story, isn't much different. Except, it isn't 'once upon a _time'. _

Once upon a Governor's office...

Fingers intertwined, fists clenched together and eyebrows raised highly – Danny's Williams was sat in a very comfortable crimson armchair. Glancing at his partner, Danny kept sighing furiously. Steve, however, didn't look back at him. A magazine was in his hands as he was leisurely turning the pages. The greenish eyes seemed to be set on the pages but they were discretely scanning Danny's anxious grimace.

"Commander McGarrett and Detective Williams, the Governor is expecting you," a calm, low voice spoke from across the room. The secretary quickly altered her slightly wrinkled blouse as the gentlemen stood up, and she gave them the sweetest smile, showing her perfectly white teeth.

"Thank you," replied Steve, equally calmly and... perhaps a bit seductively. Danny wished to throw a brick into his face, just to get that smirk off. Steve had angered him enough already.

Pushing the massive door open, Steve let Danny in first. Danny gave him a look, sort of a _I think so too _look – for letting him in first. Danny had so much bottled up inside but the Governor's office really wasn't a place to start a quarrel.

"Gentlemen," spoke the Governor somewhat restlessly, as if he didn't want to address them so formally and _politely_.

"Governor," replied Steve and glanced at Danny who seemed as if he were about to cry. He was biting his lip, as his arms were crossed on his chest. Assuming it was the wrong attitude to meet the Governor with, Danny clumsily showed one hand down his pocket and used his other hand for gestures.

"Uh, Governor Denning, it's – it's nice to see you," said Danny, smiling charmingly. As if Governor Denning would fall for such measly attempts of softening him. Especially when he seemed like he was going to, somehow, spit fire at them. Quickly pointing at the chairs, Governor pressed his lips together and glanced at them with his strict, dark eyes. As they sat down, Governor Denning spoke.

"I heard that Five-0 has another job well done behind them," he started reluctantly. "And I repeat how good that is for the state of Hawaii. I am glad that we have a team that sweeps criminals off an island _so _easily,"

"Governor, it's simply our job-" started Steve, only to get cut off by Governor's, now irritated, tone.

"Commander, I do not remember when it stated in your job description that torturing and _murdering_ suspects was a part of it!" he said loudly, almost yelling. "I've already said it. You cross the line – you answer to me. You crossed the line, McGarrett, again. Murdering DeGrassi is _crossing the line_!"

"What? He killed four people – a family – and threatened to blow up a building full of civilians!"

"He was the _key_ witness in a trial against Roland Newton! You _killed_ a witness!"

"A witness?" yelled Steve. "He was a _monster_, ready to hand over another monster!"

"Uh, _respectfully_," interrupted Danny once he couldn't restrain himself anymore. His face had gone completely red and he was doing his best not to slap them both. "DeGrassi drew his _gun_ on Steve. He was only doing what he had to – protecting the civilians and, uh, saving his own life. As I recall, that is _permitted_, still. Right... Steve?"

"Uh, ri'-right, yes. Precisely so," muttered Steve. Governor lifted his eyebrows up, staring confusedly at Steve.

"I don't remember hearing that part of the story," he said suspiciously, moving his glance on Danny.

"Well, that's why we're here. To, uh, clear things up. Now that we've cleared this, can we please be excused? Work is, uh, still calling our names," said Danny, putting on a fake smile. Governor Denning hesitated to answer, and then frowned. Sighing loudly, he pointed towards the door.

"Fine. You may go," he said. "_But_ remember that if such an incident happens again – I won't take any side notes into consideration. I don't care who drew his gun on whom, I _won't_ tolerate crossing the line again. Understood?"

"Yes sir," replied Steve, slightly coolly. Danny glanced at Governor Denning and nearly pushed Steve out of his office.

* * *

As they walked out the Governor's residence, Danny flashed at Steve, clenching his teeth together.

"What, Danny?"

"_What?!_" spat Danny, as though he was waiting for an excuse to yell at him. "I saved your ass, _again_! You shouldn't have laid a _finger_ on DeGrassi and you _know_ it, Steven, but your twisted mind doesn't think as usual! Next time it'd be nice if you said, uh I don't know, _thanks_, because you never do and this is _not_ the first time..."

"Danny, I'm sorry."

"And I don't care that you're my partner, I actually am starting to look at you as a mentally deranged person because that is what you're _acting_ like-"

"_I'm sorry!_"

"I heard you, _Steven!_ And no, you're not sorry! You're just saying that because you want me to shut up. I know you! But I won't shut up, no, because you're taking it _too_ far! You crossed the line a long time ago and – instead of going back, you're just pushing it further! You don't even know where the _damn_ line is anymore!" Danny yelled, his face was as red as a tomato and his hands were flying around. "And you know what? If you don't get together, I won't be around to clean your crap behind you."

The last words wiped the cheeky grin off Steve's face. Not because he was afraid of Danny's threats but because he genuinely sounded upset this time. He sounded like he _could_ actually leave. Danny would never leave him behind, though, but – Steve's crap he would. A hero who has to be saved isn't much of a hero, Steve realised.

Watching him trail off in his Camaro, staring blankly ahead of him, Steve sighed.

"You're right, buddy," said Steve to himself, wanting it for Danny to hear. But, he had driven off and Steve had to walk home. It was a good excuse for a long walk – and clearing his thoughts.

* * *

The longer it passed since Danny had put his hands on the steering wheel, the more he wanted to let it go. He just wanted to stop driving. Traffic jam, though, was making things more complicated. His eyes were glued to a yellow Camaro ahead of him, registered as WARP 9, and Danny felt slightly more annoyed.

"Where is he going at this time?" Danny groaned for himself, considering the possibilities where Max could have been headed to. Then, realising he didn't really care, he moved his car a bit – as much as the traffic was allowing him – and continued to frown.

As more time passed since he had seen Steve and – fallen out with him – Danny felt more and more guilt. Not just guilt – he felt so bad for the things he said. After all; he lied. He would never leave him behind, no matter what. Despite it all, Danny wanted Steve to know that he can rely on him _always_. Telling him just the opposite wasn't good at all. Their partnership was strong and Danny might have jeopardised it with his careless clamour.

_Why are you so angry?_

Danny honestly didn't know how to answer that one; out of all questions Steve regularly asked. It annoyed him, too, because it in all probability meant that he cared enough to worry over it. And Danny definitely wasn't a type of guy to cry his troubles away – he'd worry until he'd lose control and yell it all out. It especially bothered him with Steve. Somehow, he was the one to anger him the most and the one to least deserve his yelling. Or maybe he deserved it but Danny thought he was the one who didn't need it. After all he had been through, and after all he had done – Steve didn't need to deal with Danny's anger management issues. He didn't have to. But he did because he was as loyal as a dog, and he never complained.

The more he thought about it – the sorrier he was. The sooner he wanted to apologise. The traffic jam drove him crazier and crazier, until he finally got off the highway. Making his turn on the left, following Max's Camaro, Danny had to stop his car.

_CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS_

The yellow duct tape was surrounding a larger area – apparently the _Waipahē _snack bar at the corner of a street. Confusedly glancing at the HPD vehicles, Danny pulled his phone out. No missed calls. Perhaps a robbery, Danny thought. If it were a five-0 case, Danny would have been informed – for sure. Deciding to go all the way around, Danny drove off.

As he was driving towards the Headquarters, Danny kept thinking about the snack bar. Then, remembering that it was the very first snack bar he had gone to with Steve, he sped up. It was the place Danny exclaimed how much he hated pineapples. Of course it changed. Steve changed him.

* * *

Putting his feet on the ground, Danny stretched. It was a long ride.

Pacing toward the Headquarters, Danny felt unbelievably happy. Even though he hadn't spoken to Steve yet – he imagined how the conversation would go – how Steve would forgive him. He almost fantasised about not feeling guilty again and being able to look at his partner's eyes, without feeling like a complete ass. Perhaps he had gotten _too_ attached to Steve. Or maybe it was just the anticipation that was bothering Danny. Either way, he knew he wouldn't be calm if he didn't work this out.

Danny put his sweaty palm on the silver doorknob, and pushed the massive glass door. Walking into the office, Danny noticed Steve's absence. Even though Kono and Chin were there, they weren't the first ones to see. He saw what _wasn't _there. _Who_ wasn't there, more precisely.

"Good, you're here," said Kono, her eyes glued on Danny. She seemed a bit stressed out, but still gave him a little smile. Chin tapped Danny's shoulder as he stood beside him, and exchanged looks with Kono.

"Uh, what's going on?" asked Danny given that he didn't fail to notice their restlessness. The first thing that came into his mind was that they were hiding something. But, he was either going to find out right now or later – Steve would tell him, for sure.

"Um, we don't know. Max called us. He's on his way, he says he's got something we should hear... from him," said Kono, equally tensely.

"About what?" worried Danny, suddenly.

"I'm sure it's nothing serious. You know Max, he's a bit of a drama queen," joked Chin in a comforting tone. "Don't tell him I said that," he said, supposedly serious. Danny smiled.

The door opened.

Max Bergman, accompanied by Joe White, walked into the office. He seemed utterly miserable. Joe White's poker face remained emotionless, as he greeted the three.

"Hey, Max," said Kono, forcing a carefree tone. Something wasn't right about the way Max looked at her. "What's up?"

Max simply glanced at Joe, and sighed as he looked at his own feet. Joe, for the first time, seemed to be caught off guard. His eyes were teary, and his face seemed wrinklier. As if he had gotten ten years older since the last time they had seen him. He kept his one hand on his back, as he was standing in his uniform, and looked away. Danny felt like he was on needles.

"Steve's dead," said Joe finally; unnecessarily loudly. It sounded as if he had kept those words inside for too long, not knowing how to pronounce them and – once he finally did – they sounded more painfully than they really were. If that was possible, even. The words that came out of Joe White's mouth were like razor blades, shoved into their chests, and left there whilst they bled out. That was exactly how Danny felt.

"Huh?" he repeated, besotted.

"Steve was targeted," explained Joe hoarsely. Danny felt as if his feet detached from the ground and his heart was pounding as loudly as ever.

"Steve... Steve is dead?" mutter Kono, glancing at Joe before she fled to her office. Chin covered his eyes with his hand, leaning on the table and sobbed quietly.

Danny, however, stood still. Staring at the ground, he didn't know how to process what he just heard. Instead of crying, or sobbing, or yelling – Danny simply walked out of the office whilst Joe's and Max's glances were fixed on the floor.

Walking into the pouring rain, Danny staggered down the street aimlessly. He felt his tie strangle him and, grabbing it, he ripped it off violently. A few buttons on his shirt ripped and his lip started trembling so hard that he bit it – making it bleed. Then, as the rain poured heavier and Danny reached the end of the road – he hollered ear-splittingly into the air. No one could hear him.

"_I'm sorry, Steve! I'm so sorry!" _

As he sat on a little wall, facing the ocean, Danny punched the wall with all his strength – and felt a few bones crack. Tears rushed down his face.

How was he supposed to accept the fact that his partner was _gone_?

* * *

_to be continued..._

* * *

A/N; _So, what did you think? The prologue is pretty much where this chapter left off. The next chapter is about what happened after the prologue (chronologically). I am sorry for any mistakes that might occur! Also, thank you for reading [ following, favouriting and/or reviewing ], I really appreciate it! Next chapter will be posted really soon – stay tuned. Thank you so much again! _


	3. Nothing Left At All

**Chapter II – Nothing Left At All**

A/N; Just a quick thanks for reading and your support. You guys are beyond incredible and I really appreciate your reviews/follows/favourites! :)

Apologies for any mistakes.

I hope you enjoy this. Next chapter – sooner than this one. Hopefully next week! Stay tuned. :D

* * *

It seemed that the sky was crying along with Danny. Raindrops, pouring from the sky, rolled down his cheeks, merging with the tears. Danny's eyes were bloodshot and terribly sad. Steve's cheeky grin came into his mind again, and his shouts became louder. The sound of a broken heart wasn't a crack. The picture of a reddish heart splitting into two pieces was wrong. A broken heart didn't crack; it roared with pain, anger and bitterness. It pained badly, and everything about it was hard. Danny's heard didn't split into two pieces. _He_ split into one piece, as the other one – the other part of him – got cruelly taken away. No explanations, no warnings – nothing. Steve was simply taken away from him.

Danny hadn't even felt the pain in his hand. A few broken bones didn't bother him at all. He looked down, at the water below his feet, and loudly sobbed.

"Why'd you go, huh? Why, Steven?! I know you can hear me, I know it! You stupid son-of-a-bitch, why'd you leave!?" Danny gnarled into the wind. "_Fuck!_" he shouted, as words were stuck in his throat. He was barely able to shout the words, but couldn't continue. Feeling a lump in his throat; Danny hoarsely sighed as he tried to get more words out. But he couldn't. Nothing was coming out, and the tears filled up his blue eyes again.

Steve was gone. He wasn't coming back. Putting both hands on his face, Danny slowly ran them down his face, leaving red traces from the grip. Staring into the sky, his voice broke but his heart wouldn't stop screaming.

"_First_ you took Rachel from me! _Then_ you took my _daughter_, the only thing I thought was important in my life – you took her away from me! You took my life away from me, let it slip away! Then you took Matty from me, my little _Matty_! I never said anything – I _never_ thought I deserved better than that! I never stopped believing, okay, I _never_ stopped hoping! But taking _him_ – away – I didn't deserve that! I _didn't_ deserve to spend the rest of my life _alone!_" he kept shouting in a pointless direction. Perhaps he was shouting at God, bitter for taking Steve away. But whoever he was shouting at, those words were meant for Steve to hear, too. Why did he leave him alone? Danny continued, though his tone had gone quieter and words became drawn out.

"_Steve - _was _always_ there. And no matter how many people were taken away – no matter how _alone_ I was... He was always there. And now – now you took him. He's gone. _He-is-fucking-gone_! _And I never even got the chance..."_ Danny slid off the wall, feeling the ground below his feet – he madly digressed from the wall, and the ocean, and the rain. The pain inside his chest only became worse, and he finally started feeling the broken bones in his fists. Everything was hurting him, as he was trying so hard to run away.

Ripping the shirt more off, Danny's pace suddenly became faster. As his feet started running, carrying him far away from the wall – everything collapsed inside of him and he realised – all was lost.

All was lost without Steve.

* * *

"Come on, cuz, you have to eat," said Chin to Kono, nagging her to have a piece of crepes that were still hot in front of them. Kono poorly shook her head, pushing the plate away. Tears were visible even on her black blouse. Kono's cheeks were still wet. Chin, somehow, managed to stay strong. At least he pretended to be – because everybody needed a rock – and he couldn't stop thinking that Steve would want them to stay strong and carry on. Of course, Steve was a bit hasty – or maybe a bit more – but Chin kept picturing him; walking through the glass door with a smirk over his face, saying '_Gotcha! Now get back to work_.'

Though, that didn't seem to be happening. No one walked through the door, at least anyone they were hoping for. Joe White, dressed in his uniform, slowly approached them. A friendly smile was on his face, but it was only a camouflage. Joe seemed stressed out, and sad above it all. It was apparent.

"You should listen to him," suggested Joe, trying to break the silence. Kono seemed to listen to Joe, and took a tiny bite of the crepes.

"Joe," spoke Chin, looking over at Joe. "When can we see him?"

"Well," drawled Joe, avoiding eye contact. "I'm afraid – you can't."

"What?" asked Chin in a bit of a shock.

"I don't think it would be a good idea. And the funeral is in a few hours. There is no time."

"_No time_?" suddenly appeared Danny, and his fist was wrapped in bandage. Joe turned around, facing his pale face, and dark circles below his eyes. He couldn't help but notice the cuts on his face and neck, along with his wrapped fist. "What do you mean no time? We can't see him?" argued Danny loudly, in an awfully husky tone. "We never even said _goodbye_."

"Maybe it's better that way. Steve..." Joe's voice suddenly went silent, until he managed to continue speaking. "He probably wouldn't to say goodbye. You know how he always-"

"-hated goodbyes. Yeah – I know," whimpered Danny.

* * *

The Navy hymn started playing. Standing still, with his eyes glued to the casket, Danny felt as if he was dreaming; like he was in some kind of a badly directed movie, where the hero dies. Everything inside him wanted to scream, and tell everyone what a lousy joke this was. He wanted to wake up so desperately, as he was waiting for Steve to jump out of a bush – dressed in his ninja clothes – and tell him that this was just another mission. Nothing was happening. Steve didn't jump out of a bush, nor did he appear in front of his eyes.

By the time the gun salute had started, Danny felt sick.

On the first gunshot - Danny tilted his head and looked at the ground, turning away from the casket.

On the second gunshot – he felt his heartbeat stop for a moment, as his teary eyes flashed at the casket.

On the third gunshot – he pictured Steve, lying there still, helpless and trapped.

On the fourth gunshot – Danny's knees tottered, as he remembered Steve's _stupid_ stare. And his _stupid_ grin. And his _stupid_ everything.

On the fifth gunshot – Danny screamed.

Chin's hand flew forward, catching Danny's figure. Embracing him tightly, Chin made sure he wouldn't move.

"_No!" _shouted Danny, until he lost his voice. Steve was buried, and Danny lost his voice. At the moment, he was pretty sure that a part of him got buried with Steve.

A part of him had gone with his partner. A part of him that didn't say goodbye – a part that didn't want to.

* * *

The sand was warm. It was soothing, almost. Danny kept staring into the ocean, listening to the sounds of waves. The dark had completely overcome; but the subtle light from the torches was nice. The night was warm, and Danny could hear murmur from behind him. People were enjoying the lovely night, and Danny was trying his best as he was sat on the beach.

Steve came into his mind, again. Danny remembered the day he met him. He never thought he'd care so much. After all, he claimed that he didn't like him. When he said it, it almost sounded like a promise. That he broke – of course – because he learned to like Steve and his quirks. Once again, Danny lost his breath, and tears filled his eyes. Pressing his lips together, Danny looked away nervously, trying not to cry again.

Then, as he looked back at the ocean, Steve's cheeky grin and piercing eyes were staring at him from afar. Danny almost passed out.

He was back, of course he was back. He had never even gone, Danny knew it.

Almost laughing to himself, Danny rapidly stood up and moved ahead. Steve, however, stepped into the dark water – as if he was about to go for a swim. The grin on his face slowly started fading – the more he entered the water. Danny couldn't speak – at all, and tell him to come back – so he followed him into the water. Like a dog.

Steve's body was underwater. His eyes were restless, as they were glued to anything but Danny. Danny swam anxiously, shouting Steve's name. The water became cooler.

In one moment, Steve started drowning. Everything inside Danny broke, as he was swimming faster than he really was capable. Danny grabbed Steve's hand, and tightly held onto it.

"_Danny!"_ yelled Steve, and his head went underwater. Danny violently pulled him up, as Steve kept calling his name.

"Hold on, I've got you!" said Danny indistinctly, as water was filling his mouth. The water was suddenly freezing, and everything had gone silent. The dark swallowed every glimpse of light, and Danny couldn't feel Steve's hand anymore. Danny was choking, battling the water and trying to breathe. He couldn't feel the air anymore, and everything around him got so dark. Just as he was about to breathe into the water;

Danny woke up. Covered in cold sweat, Danny could hear his heart pound loudly and race so fast. He looked around his room – as the sunrise illuminated it through the window.

Just as Danny thought it was only a nightmare – Steve didn't drown – he realised that the real nightmare had just begun. Steve was still gone. Danny stumbled out of bed.

It was time to figure out how to move on with a part of him gone for good.

* * *

A/N2; The next chapter will be a longer one, I promise!

Leave a review and let me know what you think. :)


	4. Micro Cuts

**Chapter III – Micro Cuts**

A/N; Finally, it's here! I'm really sorry about making you wait so long for this chapter but school has been keeping me really, really busy. I hope you enjoy it anyway, because I really tried to post it as soon as possible without making it too bad.

Again, I apologise for any mistakes that might occur. I'm too busy to correct them myself and I really should find myself a beta reader! :o

Anyway, thank you so much for your support [following, reading, and reviewing], it means so much! *hugs*

* * *

Hawaii was such a beautiful place. Heaven on Earth, they'd say. In many ways, it was. Danny remembered the very first time he saw his daughter's smile as she climbed up on the surfing board. The laugh that had escaped Grace's mouth would always remain something warm around Danny's heart.

However, that heaven had its hell, too. The cold breeze that suddenly blew into his life really wasn't something he could just let go. The picture of his daughter – his sweet little monkey – crying over her favourite uncle would never leave him. As much as this place made him laugh, it made him cry.

Danny pulled the covers up, as he heard the sound of door opening. His eyes immediately closed, as he was pretending to be asleep. His hair was such a mess, and yet it was the least chaotic thing about him at the moment.

"Danny," called Chin, placing a big box on the coffee table. "I know you're not asleep. I know you can't sleep."

"I wish I could," murmured Danny, pulling the covers off his face. The smell coming from the box made Danny sit on the couch, and look at Chin. His eyes were as tired as ever, even though he spent most of the time in bed. Well, bed or Steve's couch, it didn't matter.

"Cocoa puffs?" offered Chin, pushing the box closer to Danny. It seemed, for a moment, that Danny smiled. He wanted to, at least, but he couldn't.

"Uh, I could really never say no to _that_," replied Danny. And there it was, the first genuine smile in months. It was really just a stretch of his lips, not even into a curvy line, but his lips trembled, and the corners seemed almost smiley. Chin sighed.

"Don't you think it is time to..." started Chin carefully, not sure how to formulate the rest of the sentence. He surely couldn't tell him to _move on_. After all, it would be a complete lie – no one could move on after what happened. But, somehow, things had to change.

"Go home?" finished Chin, as Danny chew a piece of the cocoa puff. His expression remained the same – as emotionless as it had been in months.

"This is home," said Danny. "This is home, Chin."

"Danny, all you have here is a couch, a TV and a coffee table!" exclaimed Chin, taking a good look around the vast, and empty McGarrett living room. The leather couch hadn't been moved since the time Danny slept on it the first time; nor had the coffee table been moved. It was on the same spot the beer Danny brought had landed on a few years back. The moment was still stuck in his head. Probably every moment he spent with Steve, Danny would never forget.

"I have Steve," said Danny. Chin tried not to argue with him, but he couldn't help but speak.

"Danny," murmured Chin, and sighed. His heart was breaking for Danny, and he really didn't want to speak further. But something was telling him to do it anyway. Perhaps it was because he could clearly picture Steve, telling Danny to _move on_. Yes, Steve would have wanted it that way. Only Danny must have forgotten.

"Steve... he's not here. But that doesn't mean he's not with you. He left us a whole lot of memories, brah. You have him wherever you go. This couch... it won't bring him back," said Chin utterly sadly and watched Danny's eyes fill with tears slowly.

"It's not the couch," added Danny, leaning his elbows onto his knees as he intertwined his fingers. Sat on the couch, he flashed at Chin and then gave him a small smile. "It's not the couch. It's not anything, really. I – uh, I just feel like home here. You know? I feel like he could come back anytime. Jump through a window doing all that ninja stuff he always did. It's not that I'm, uh – _expecting _it to happen it's just..." he paused, not really knowing how to finish.

"I'll never forget him. But I'm so scared that I _might_ forget his face. And his stupid grin, and – his stupid frown. His voice... And I don't want to forget how his voice sounds. I don't want to, uh, forget McGarrett," drawled Danny, and they both felt as if someone was stabbing a knife into their backs, one word at a time as Danny spoke. Then, waving his hand quickly through the air, Danny's finger pointed at the framed picture, hung on the wall. Chin felt like he went back in time, when his eyes met Steve's cheeky grin on the picture.

"In five years, I never took _one_ picture of him. I just didn't think it was, uh, - you know – relevant. I thought pictures are for people who forget to remember. And I thought I'd always remember. Or, uh, I thought I'd never _have_ to remember. People like him... You ever expect them to leave, you know? And this picture... it's all I have left. That way I know I won't forget him," Danny trailed off, and moved his glance from the picture of Steve and Grace. She looked happy with her uncle Steve, and Steve's grin was as wide as ever on that picture, it seemed. "That way, he's here."

Chin's eyes were watery. For once, he was speechless. And for once, he was hurt.

* * *

The Sun was shining so brightly it was almost annoying. Danny covered his face with his hands, as he was sat on a bench in the shade. The shade wasn't much of a help, since the Sun found its way to creep through the trees straight into Danny's eyes. He was tired, and something was telling him he was about to get even more tired.

Rachel Edwards' pace was slow, and quiet, but Danny heard her high heels from the moment she stepped out of the car. Approaching him then, she placed two cups of coffee on the table, and sat opposite Danny, and fixed her flowery dress.

"You look terrible," she concluded, and her prominent English accent emphasized her point. Danny looked terribly sad and tired, even though he did his best to try and look decent. Danny put his both hands on the table.

"That's the biggest compliment I've got lately," joked Danny, and even though it was a terrible one, a little laugh escaped Rachel's mouth. "How's Gracie?"

"Danny, no one has been good in a while. Especially you. Grace can see that, and I'm afraid it's a lot for her to take," said Rachel, taking the cup of coffee into her hands. She looked at Danny's fingers, intertwined on the table, and squinted at him.

"I'm trying my best," he replied briefly.

"I don't think it's enough for Grace at this time," explained Rachel and watched Danny's face darken.

"What, uh – what are you saying Rachel?"

"Stan got a job offer in New York. We're thinking of moving."

"_What?_" asked Danny, in shock. "You're taking Grace away from me?"

"No one is taking Grace away from you, Danny! But you've been a _complete_ mess, and our daughter needs to forget about things for a while!"

At this point, Danny felt sick.

"_Forget?_" pronounced Danny loudly. "What do you mean _forget_? And what things! The fact that Steve's gone! You want her to forget _him?_"

"_No_, Danny – I want her to forget the past five months! She has been through _too _much. I need to give her time to accept all of this. It's been a lot for her. You should understand."

"Oh, sure – I _should_! You're telling me you're taking away my daughter _again_ from me, and you're telling me to be fine with it! You know what, Rachel, that's just an excuse – a stupid excuse for running away. You're teaching her to run away, because you feel that's all right. You're trying to teach her that it's all right, because you did it, and you're doing it again!"

"_Daniel_!" shouted Rachel, angered by his behaviour.

"I know it hasn't been easy, Rachel, but life isn't fair, okay?" he spat and stood up. "I'm not letting you take her away from me, okay, because family should stick together. She's all I have. If you take her away from me I won't have anyone else left. And I won't let you do that to me, not this time. Not when I get a say in this," he said and turned away from her, pacing rapidly on the grass. Danny wanted to laugh at himself, because everything seemed to be crashing on the top of his head. He felt like he was drowning, and there was no one there to save him.

* * *

Chin was persistent in talking Danny into staying at his place.

_You're not going to be left behind, Danny, I promise you. Just please let me help you._

Chin's friendly words and another box of cocoa puffs were enough to make Danny move in with him. Just for a little while. The thought of stepping back into his apartment, full of Steve's ammo, and his ridiculous cargo pants was terrifying to Danny. He began to wonder how all of that got into his apartment in the first place, but then he remembered the drunk McGarrett. It felt good, for a change, to remember his ridiculous ramblings as he banged on his door in the middle of the night.

"_Happy birthday, Danno!" _

"_It's not my birthday, you animal! What the hell are you doing here at three am? And what the hell is with all those pants?" _

"_You need a makeover, man," replied Steve with a cheeky grin before he stormed into the bathroom to throw up. _

That explains the pants.

Danny's hands were carefully rinsing off the detergent off the dishes, after he had threatened Chin not to wash the dishes. He explained that he feels like a potato sack, and that if he doesn't let him do _something_, he will shoot at something – whatever he sees first. Taking that as a threat, Chin decided to go for a walk as he left Danny alone with the dishes. Soon, Danny began to regret his pleading, because washing the dishes really wasn't at the top of his favourite chores list.

Even the radio was playing, loud enough for Danny to sing along and not hear his own hoarse voice. It seemed that, somehow, Danny was beginning to get better. If not better, than he was definitely moving forward – whatever that meant – because he actually caught a few winks since he'd been at Chin's. Chin concluded it was the mattress that made Danny sleep a bit better, but maybe it was because he wasn't so alone anymore. Though, Chin's mattress really was good, Danny had to admit.

Just as he grabbed a glass with his foamy hand, a tune started playing. At first he didn't recognize it, from the sound of the water leaking, but once it stopped – Danny felt something bad. He couldn't catch a breath.

_One more lonely night for me, I looked up what did I see?_

Danny's grip was so strong that the glass in his hand cracked from the pressure. The glass fell apart into tiny pieces, and Danny's hand started bleeding. The blood started blending with water, and Danny gasped, hitting the tap and stopped the water.

_I think it's kind of catchy._

Danny's face grew sadder, as he stumbled across the kitchen, holding himself onto the counters. He slid down, and sat on the floor, staring in front of himself blankly. The shiny white counters were smudged with bloody traces, and Danny started shaking. Steve's face once again popped into his mind. It hit him real hard this time. Danny closed his eyes, and ran his bloody hand down his face. He was sat on the floor until Chin got home.

That night he hates to remember, especially since it was one of those times when even Chin cried.

* * *

A/N2; I didn't want to spoil at the beginning so I'll do it here. ;)

Just to clear a few things up!

I took an approximate of five years as the period Danny and Steve had been partners. It's kind of irrelevant, because the exact setting doesn't matter – all of this is happening post-season 3.

You probably concluded that Danny went through a break down (moving into Steve's house, not sleeping or eating properly, nor going to work...) and you were right. I just fast forwarded since last chapter, so this would be a few months after the funeral.

Yes, Rachel wants to take Grace to New York but you'll find out more about that in the next chapters.

No, Kono hasn't disappeared, you'll definitely get more of her in the next chapter.

Don't worry; the task force hasn't been shut down! You'll see what's going on, in the next chapter. Expect a special surprise! ;)

Hopefully I'll post it soon! Stay tuned guys, you rock! :D


	5. Every Move You Make

**Chapter IV – Every Move You Make**

A/N; I won't bug you too much – just a quick thanks for your support. You guys are beyond amazing and your reviews and follows mean so much.

Enjoy this chapter, I hope you like it so far. We have a few chapters left, I didn't want to turn this into an endless fic!

Now enjoy! :)

P.S. Sorry for the mistakes. I'll try to get a beta reader for the next chapter.

* * *

Watching Grace Williams make little steps towards him, Danny smiled. The only thing good in his life was still there.

"Danno!" she exclaimed cheerfully as Danny pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, Monkey," he said with a grin. Yes, Danny Williams was a complete mess, but maybe a little less around his daughter. He took her hand, and they digressed from the car of Rachel Edwards. Danny didn't even bother to look back, after all, he really didn't want to look at her. Not after everything she had done.

"Mrs. Reeves told us today that we have to write an essay about our hero. Everyone started talking about superman and batman, but I don't want to write about them," said Grace, and Danny laughed a bit.

"Why not? They're really cool; I'll tell you about them. They always save the day," he said.

"But they're not real!" complained Grace, forming a pout with her lips.

"Ah, well, then you're out of ideas. No _heroes_ are real."

"Not true!" she argued with a smile, having an idea in her mind.

"Oh, really?" grinned Danny. "You've _met_ a hero? A real, awesome hero who can do really cool stuff?"

"Yeah! You!" she giggled, and Danny felt warmth around his heart. Grace thought _he_ was a hero. It was enough to make living worth again.

"Uh – but I can't fly – I'm not as cool as that," added Danny, smiling at her as they walked down the path – toward the beach.

"Uncle Steve can!" she insisted. Danny's heart skipped a beat. Grace still had no idea. How was he supposed to tell her? "I haven't seen him in a while. Did he forget about me?"

"Grace – Monkey, uh, listen," started Danny, and crouched. He looked at her, and tried to put on a smile. He couldn't.

"Uncle Steve... he didn't forget about you. He – he had to fly away for a while."

_A while? More like the rest of your life._

"Oh. But he didn't even say goodbye. He'll be back soon, right? That's why he didn't say goodbye, because he'll be here sooner than later, right? That's what he always says," she concluded with a smiley face. Danny's heart was breaking.

"Of course, Monkey – he'll be back soon," he lied and felt something heavy in his chest. Lying to his daughter was hard but telling her the truth was even harder. After all, one broken heart was enough. He didn't want to break hers too.

* * *

The night was warm, but the breeze was somewhat chilly. Danny's hands were shoved down his pockets, as he was walking his way back home. Over the past few weeks, even months, his every day was the same. Every night, he would take a long walk and return home, and go to bed early. _Home_ was Chin's place, since he took him in a few weeks ago. It became easier to deal with everything, and Chin didn't ask unnecessary questions. He knew exactly how he was feeling. There were no _'Are you okay' _or '_You have to eat'._ He would simply leave the dinner in the oven, or if Danny was feeling like it, order a pizza. Sometimes, Danny even felt good enough to relax in front of the TV with a couple of beers. Chin loved those nights, and they made up for all other lonely ones.

Years of being a detective taught Danny a few things – one of them recognizing company. And something was telling him that his company – a few feet behind him – was up to no good. Keeping his hand on the gun, Danny prepared himself to turn around. The alley was dark, and he was almost sure that a thief was going to attempt to rob him.

_You found the wrong guy. _

Danny's lips almost widened into a smirk, as he couldn't wait to book him. Slowly turning around, in a millisecond, Danny got pushed on the ground. He slid down the stone wall, and gasped as his head hit the ground. Danny heard two bullets being fired, and whilst slowly getting lost in the blackness that soon overcame him, he saw two men in black – one of them being either oddly familiar, or a lot like someone he knew.

* * *

"Wake up, brah," Kono nudged him lightly. Danny's eyes opened. A jolt of pain ran through his head, and he could feel the annoyingness of a headache. "You okay?"

"Uh – yeah," said Danny insecurely. He slowly lifted himself up, and Chin just walked into the room with a big cup of tea in his hand.

"What happened?" asked Chin as he made his way to the sofa Danny was sat on.

"I don't know. Someone was following me, and I thought it was just a stupid robber or something. Nothing, uh, dangerous, I guessed. And I reached my gun, and the next thing you know – I was on the ground. All I saw were two men in black," paused Danny, wanting to finish his thought. But he didn't know how to finish it off. He was probably delusional.

"What?" asked Kono, noticing his anxiety.

"Uh, nothing," he drawled, looking up at Chin. "It was really strange. I mean, how often do you get followed by someone and then get thrown on the ground for no reason? And, I mean, two bullets were fired. I'm not saying anything but..."

"You were being targeted," concluded Kono with a trace of fear in her voice.

"And someone saw it coming," added Chin.

"So he or she saved my ass," finished Danny, exchanging looks with both of them. Taking the cup of tea from Chin, Danny took a sip and let the warmth fill his body. Something was coming at them, it was obvious. The thing was – they had no idea what, and how to deal with it. If Danny really was targeted, it meant he was in danger. They all were in danger – Grace too. Danny felt nauseous as he realised that his hero was long gone, and wasn't going to be there this time.

* * *

The office door swung open, as Danny made his way in. The cut on his forehead still looked fresh, even though it was patched up two days ago. It pained him a bit, but Danny paid as little attention to it as possible.

Chin and Kono were already there, and they failed to notice Danny's arrival. They were _that_ concentrated on something.

"Oh, hey, Danny," suddenly winced Kono, and saw Danny's grin. It faded once he realised Kono didn't smile back.

"Uh, is everything okay?" asked Danny, and approached them.

"No," replied Chin seriously. "Catherine just gave us a call and look at _this._" They flashed a longer text in front of him, and Danny began reading.

_Ex Navy SEAL gone wild_

The title made him sick. The first thing he thought was; Steve's alive. He's okay, and he's doing ridiculous things. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, it wasn't Steve. The article was new, and rather mysterious. Danny learnt nothing about the SEAL, except that he was on the island.

"_I cannot give you any information at this time. We don't know who this man is, but we are putting our top men on this case. The fugitive will be where he belongs in no time, and I can guarantee that. We have Lieutenant Kelly, Officer Kalakaua and Detective Williams on this case. No other people know how a SEAL works better than them. I trust them to solve this case as successfully and stop this madman from spreading fear on our island." _

Whilst reading Governor Denning's statement, Danny wanted to laugh out loudly. He had _no _idea how a SEAL worked, especially not how _Steve _worked. And if this man was _anything_ like Steve, their chances of catching him were minimal. Especially if he was targeting _them – _the team. They were the catch, and couldn't just become the catchers.

"Uh, so, what did Catherine tell you?" suddenly asked Danny, not sure how to process the new information.

"She'll be here in a few; she couldn't talk over the phone. She sounded upset and, well, kind of happy too," Chin tried to explain.

"Huh?" mumbled Danny, narrowing his brows.

"Let's just wait," suggested Kono, and they nodded. All they had to do was wait.

* * *

Danny caught himself thinking about Steve again. The feeling that came with it – the feeling of endless sorrow, and despair – became completely normal. He learned to live with the feeling, but he still hadn't learnt how to live without Steve. Yes, Danny smiled again – at times – but he cried himself to sleep every night.

He winced in his seat, and stood up, deciding to go for a walk. Glancing at Steve's empty office, and the dust on his desk, Danny felt pain in his chest. It was like getting his heart broken every day, all over again. But he learned to live with it, somehow.

Just as he left his office, Catherine walked in through the glass door. Chin and Kono immediately showed up, and they greeted Catherine. She looked quite terrible – dressed in black, with dark circles rounding her eyes and too-pale face. In spite of it, there was a glow in her eyes.

"Please tell us you have something on that maniac," said Danny.

"I do," she said breathlessly. "He's an old buddy of Steve's."

"And..." said Chin.

"Okay, so here's the story. This guy went mad when his wife and child were murdered during a hostage situation, six months ago. He run away, and we've been tracking him ever since."

"We?" asked Danny.

"Yeah, well, not _we_ – the SEALs, technically."

"Okay, you lost me," said Kono confusedly. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Guys! You were working on the case, remember? The kidnappers wanted money, but Steve gave orders not to deliver. The SEAL's name is Adam Rogers; he went to the house with the money, and Steve tried to stop him. When the kidnappers saw Steve with a gun, they shot the guy's wife and son. Remember?"

"Oh yes! The guy blamed Steve!" exclaimed Kono.

"Yeah, and he left the Navy and went completely crazy."

"So he was the one targeting Danny?" asked Chin.

"No, Chin. Danny wasn't targeted. He was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. A group of people have been assigned to this case, and they've been trying to catch Adam. But the guy knows everyone, so he's careful. He's trying to eliminate the ones who are trying to eliminate him," said Catherine. Danny kept staring at her blankly. "Don't you get it?"

"So, the man who pushed me on the floor and saved my life actually saved his own life, right? Because the bullets were aimed at him. And maybe one at me, too."

"Which means... somebody's been protecting us all this time. And this lunatic hasn't been able to hurt any of us because we've been guarded, right?" asked Kono.

"Yes," said Catherine with a smile.

"That son of a bitch," cursed Danny as he realised what was going on. "I'll kill him, I swear!"

It began to look like the dust on Steve's desk was finally going to be swept away. Danny's heart broke for the last time and he sighed.

It looked like he hadn't lied to Grace – not quite.


	6. In Your Eyes

_**Chapter V – In Your Eyes**_

* * *

A/N; Sorry for being so late with this one! I hope you like it and stay tuned for the next chapter. There won't be a bunch of chapters, you'll see what happens in the end pretty soon. :)

And sorry for the spelling mistakes, I didn't get a beta reader for this one and I was in a hurry to post this. Hope you can forgive me! xP

Enjoy and make sure to let me know what you think will happen next. ;) (Or simply tell me what you thought of the chapter and the story so far, it would be greatly appreciated! ^^)

* * *

Danny was upset. His glance was roaming aimlessly, and his fists were clenched. He was sat, nervous and sweaty, in a comfortable chair and – was waiting. Sighing deeply, he glanced at Chin who just set foot in the hallway.

"Chin!" he shouted impatiently. Chin looked at him fixedly, but said nothing. Danny's persistent gaze was, however, enough.

"We blew it," he uttered and slowly tilted his head aside. Then he ran a hand down his face and looked at Danny with his tired eyes. "We shouldn't have got in the way. Now the Governor's involved, and... It can't be good, Danny."

"What about Steve?" asked Danny as if none of what Chin had told him mattered.

"Steve," started Chin and, sighed deeply and heavily. "I don't know. I don't know, Danny. After the explosion..." he said, completely wretched, and looked at Danny. He just sat back in the chair miserably whilst the cold sweat was overspreading his body. His eyes were restless, and he let his clenched fists fall on his knees and shake, whilst a tear skid from his eye and rolled down his cheek.

"_Steve,_" he sobbed and covered his face with his hands, letting himself shout in front of Governor's office. Chin approached him and tapped his shoulder in a friendly way, and then pulled him up, looking into his red, bloodshot eyes.

"There was nothing we could have done, Danny," he tried to console him, but Danny stroke at him madly.

"But we did it anyway! We got involved and it's _my_ fault! Maybe he'd still be – be..." he sobbed again and bit his lower lip. "I should have been stronger, you know? Like him. I should have believed. _Like him_," he sighed and rubbed his eyes, and then sadly looked at Chin.

"You know, Steve would have wanted us to finish the job. To book that son of a bitch, wouldn't he?" whispered Chin, and Danny's lips widened into a weak smile.

"Yeah," he confirmed.

"Well – let's then. We have to do it anyway, now that Governor Denning knows everything. And I think that the SEAL team nine is going to be overwhelmed when they find out we compromised their mission."

"For Steve?"

"For Steve," said Chin and then they walked outside. The rain was pouring, and Danny looked at the grey sky and let the tears mix with the rain as they were slowly pacing towards the car. Even though he was almost completely sure that everything fell apart, there was that insane hope inside of him that never seemed to disappear – the hope that he will see his partner again and hear him curse everything on his list. And maybe even tell him _book 'em Danno._

* * *

_What actually happened? ( This is where the previous chapter left off )_

"Rogers was seen at Ala Wai Boulevard twenty minutes ago!" said Danny in a hurry.

"What do you mean _seen_?" asked Chin whilst entering the office.

"Kono saw him," murmured Danny and avoided eye contact.

"What? Danny I thought we agreed to let this go! He's dangerous and this _isn't _our case!"

"_Steve might be on it_, Chin!" argued Danny and glanced at Chin. Chin was speechless.

"Danny," he uttered and looked away. "If Steve really _is_ alive, and if he really _is _on this case then-"

"He _is_ Chin! And it's our job to help him out, isn't it? He's still the part of the team," he said sharply. Chin sighed heavily and might have rolled his eyes because there was no way to win at this.

"Right," he said and crossed his arms. "What's the plan?" he asked, and Danny smiled at him.

* * *

Holding the rifle tightly in his hands, Danny significantly glanced at Chin and Kono. They were standing against the wall, ready. The lights were burning inside the house, and the curtains were pulled on. It was a good thing; they couldn't have been seen. On the other hand; _they_ weren't able to see what was going on. For twenty minutes, they stood still and waited – but nothing was happening. All seemed so peaceful and blissful under the moonlight that they almost returned to their warm beds. Though, Danny wasn't fooled by that, he knew that something was going on. It could have been the only house on Oahu where the lights were burning at four o'clock in the morning. Something wasn't right, and Danny knew it. Deciding not to listen to the Governor, who after he had assigned them to the Adam Rogers' case finally told them that _someone else_ will take care of the job – the team thoroughly investigated the guy and his intentions. Nothing was making any sense. Ex-SEAL gone wild and escaped to Oahu – but why? Pieces of the puzzle got together when the team got a visit from Catherine. Ever since, Danny hadn't been able to get Steve out of his head; and the possibility that he is alive. It bothered him, and haunted him, and left him restless. Thinking of his ridiculous grin, he realised that Steve would do _anything_ for him. Because it was what he was. Danny knew that he owed him the same, if not a whole lot more.

After a long and silent pause, gunshots echoed through the house, and Danny immediately glanced at Chin and Kono. Without questions, or hesitation whatsoever, Chin knocked the door down, and Danny stormed into the house. Kono followed him, and Chin entered last. Danny stopped and dully stared at members of SEAL team nine who had just eliminated at least ten people. Chin stood motionlessly, clenching his rifle tightly, and noticed a blinking red light on the floor, not far from the dead bodies.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" shouted Danny confusedly. He was somewhat angry with the fact that there was no Steve amongst the members. And he was the only reason he came, anyway.

"I should be asking _you_ the same thing!" suddenly a voice reigned the room, and within the members of the SEAL team nine, a familiar face appeared – pale and almost hollow with tired and angry eyes. Steve stared at them and bit his lip, and then looked at Danny. Steve looked beaten up and tortured – the glow in his eyes was no longer there. The rifle in his hands, he clenched it tightly, and then looked away. Danny jammed his own fist into his mouth and bit it so hard it bled, and he furiously looked away. He regretted his every wish to see him here – he would have rather seen him dead than like this. He would rather have _never_ seen him again than look at his cold eyes and broken soul in front of him. He could never imagine him like this, and even if he tried, he wouldn't expect this. Danny surely wouldn't assume that that ridiculous grin could ever be replaced with a pair of eyes that seemed merciless and made of glass, and a pale face that seemed as if it never smiled.

Steve had no idea that it was _them_. He had no clue. He kept staring at them, and the other way round, except Chin who kept glancing at the device on the floor. Steve didn't come closer but he wanted to. He wanted to hug them and say _it's good to be back_. But he wasn't back – to them, he was still dead. The Steve McGarrett that laughed, and teased, and at times acted like a baby, and most of the time acted like a crazy, overprotective man was gone. He was dead to them, and he was supposed to stay that way. He couldn't control it – he couldn't control the orders. He was just a pawn – the best of all – but it didn't change a single thing. His feelings didn't matter. No one ever asked _how's your heart,_ after all the men he was forced to shoot. Now, he was staring at the only people who looked up to him as a hero, not as a murderer – a problem solving machine – and felt immense emptiness because he realised that they never left. And he walked out on them and broke them apart, and they still believed that _he _was the hero. Steve's face grew sadder, and Danny turned around and left the house without a word. Ripping the Kevlar off himself, he threw it on the dirty ground, along with his rifle – never wanting to take it in his hands again. Kono ran after him and threw herself in his arms, and silently let the tears stream down her face.

Chin kept staring at Steve and he kept waiting. He didn't know what he was waiting for. He was probably waiting for Steve to say something, but he was almost sure that _he_ was supposed to say something. Then he remembered – when the red light disrupted him – and shouted. But – Steve already turned his back at him and headed to the other side, turning away from the door – from the exit.

"Guys, this is a bomb!" shouted Chin and glanced at the four numbers, blinking on the device.

"_Everybody out, hey_!" he shrieked, and the SEALs heard him and turned to the door. Chin stormed out, hoping that Steve heard him too. Chin ran outside and let the rifle collide with the ground, and his feet were carrying him as far away from the house as they could. Bumping into Danny and Kono, he pushed them on the ground. Then the house exploded, and a rain of fire showered the whole yard as they crashed on the solid concrete. Chin rolled around barely, and saw the house burst in flames with a glimpse of his eyes, and then let tears fall – seeing as no one came behind him.

* * *

to be continued...

* * *

A/N2; Now you've got to stay tuned for the next chapter to find out what happens, right? ;)


	7. Come Home

_**Chapter VI – Come Home**_

* * *

A/N; I hate this chapter but I hope you won't.

* * *

Tears were streaming down his face. Blinking twice, his eyes finally closed. Steve's head tilted, as a man tapped his shoulder.

"It'll be over soon, McGarrett," the sharp voice spoke, and the man looked at Steve.

"It already is," he said coolly, watching the house burst in flames. Knowing that his friends were on the other side, he just wanted to run to them. Simply run, without looking back, and explain everything.

"That cut looks nasty. You should-"

"No," Steve cut him off immediately. Running a hand over his forehead, he looked at his palm – it was bloody. Steve felt like his head was going to explode. "I've got to tell them. I've got to see them, Jet. Just a minute."

"McGarrett, your cover is blown but that doesn't mean that you just get to go back to your friends. You forgot how things work around here, didn't ya?"

"I _forgot?_" Steve's face suddenly darkened. The piercing blue eyes stared coldly at Jet who kept looking away. "You have no idea what I'd do to _forget_. I'd do everything to forget all that I've seen – kids die, families being torn apart, houses getting blown up. I haven't forgotten, not even a little bit. I still remember all the people I've killed. All the lives I've taken. They still... haunt me," he spoke darkly, and Jet finally faced him.

"Don't. You're not the bad guy here. People like Rogers – it's their fault that people hurt. We're just doing our job, McGarrett. Saving lives, that's what it is – right?"

"We take lives in order to save them... What sense does that make?"

"None," replied Jet simply. "It makes no sense whatsoever. It's kind of sad, too."

"Yeah," said Steve. "I just wish I'd died – like they thought I did."

"What the fuck are you saying?" uttered Jet. His dark eyes were glowing, and he removed his dark brown hair from his forehead. The scar all over his cheek was deep, and seemed fresh – even though it had been a few years. Though, the memories were still fresh. That's the one thing that will never fade.

"This..." began Steve, and bit his lower lip. "It's worse than death. It's... I don't have a name anymore. I don't have a home anymore. I have nothing but this gun and this pain. It's worse than death. At least I would have had somewhere to go to. Heaven or – Hell – for all the lives I took. It doesn't even matter. Anything is better than this. I'd rather belong _somewhere, anywhere_ than _nowhere_."

"Man... I'm sorry, man. I wish things were different," he admitted, and glanced at Steve's bloody forehead.

"Yeah," murmured Steve. "They're not. Steve McGarrett is dead."

"Hey! What about the annoying face in front of me, huh? That dude looks very much alive. Bleeding, but alive," Jet grinned, trying to cheer him up.

"That's not Steve McGarrett. That's... just a citizen erased."

* * *

_Three Weeks Later_

"_The HPD has confirmed that the fugitive and dangerous criminal, Adam Rogers, has been caught. The HPD has refused to comment whether Rogers has been sentenced or not – and what the penalty will be. Speculations are that Rogers has been eliminated by members of a special unit during a hostage situation on Oahu twelve hours ago. Rogers had fourteen hostages – of which were three children – and had injured two hostages. The hostages have been transferred to the hospital and they are stabile. Governor Denning hasn't commented how the situation was solved and why it took over four months to catch Rogers, but has only stated that the citizens of Hawaii have no longer reason to fear for their lives. Justice has been served, he said. This is Jane May, reporting live from Honolulu Police Department."_

With a quick finger movement, Danny turned the TV off. Clenching his teeth, he tilted his head and observed Chin who was concentrated on the newspaper.

"Justice has been served, ha," said Danny bitterly, and Chin lifted his head up.

"Danny," he said. "It's over now. We have to let that go."

"Uh, let it go? I'm sorry, Chin, if you, uh, failed to notice but I _can't _let it go. Okay? I just – can't let it go. I can't just _forgive_ myself."

"Forgive yourself?" asked Chin and raised his eyebrows.

"I, uh, should have talked to him. I shouldn't have run away. Maybe – maybe he'd... still be here. Y'know. Maybe he wouldn't have _died_ in that explosion. Maybe..."

"_Maybe. _But you didn't talk to him, Danny, and it's not your fault. It all happened too fast."

"Yeah – you don't get to see someone rise from the dead every day, ha," joked Danny bitterly. "But you'd think that if you did, you'd go and fucking talk to them. Demand answers. I didn't do that!" he shouted, unable to cope with all the emotions inside. "I just wish for one last chance. Just to see him. And ask him _why_. And tell him how fucking sorry I am for running off!"

Danny stormed out of the office, and Chin smiled. It was a crooked smile, but it was there.

* * *

The sand was warm. It was nice to just sit and take a break. Danny took a deep breath, and looked away from the ocean. The nightmares of Steve drowning still happened every night. Danny hadn't slept properly in a long time. Rachel took Grace away and just like that wiped off the smile from Danny's face. For good – probably. Danny stood up and walked into McGarrett's house. The couch was still there.

Hearing knocking on the door, Danny concluded it was either Chin or Kono but he didn't feel like having company. He slid onto the soft couch, and closed his eyes for a moment.

Danny, for some reason, stood up and opened the front door. The knocking had irritated him. Pulling them open, he saw a distant figure, digressing from the house. Suddenly, it appeared to be in front of a burning house, and it kept walking towards the flames. Danny followed, in a haste, and recognized Steve's pace. Danny smiled, and felt like he was out of breath. The more he approached him, and the burning house – the less air he had. Shouting Steve's name wasn't an option, his lungs weren't allowing him to do so. Danny ran after him, but Steve didn't look back. Steve's hand caught the burning doorknob, and he opened the door. Danny couldn't see from the smoke, and he was tired.

"_Steve, don't go in there, hey!" _he managed to shout, and Steve immediately turned around. The grin on his face widened.

"Danno!" he said and smiled, and then the fire caught him. Danny grabbed his hand, and caught him, but he couldn't pull him outside. They fell on the floor, and Steve's screams echoed through the smoke. Danny was holding back the tears, and he was holding onto him tightly, but Steve was dragged into the flames.

"_Hold on, buddy, hold on – Steve!" _hollered Danny madly, but the fire wouldn't let his partner go. Steve's hand slipped out of Danny's, and the door shut closed.

Breathless, Danny woke up on the floor. He looked up, and realised he was completely wet, and he couldn't breathe. Just as he managed to get up on his two feet, Danny heard knocking again. It probably woke him up in the first place. Staggering to the front door, Danny pulled them open. A pair of piercing blue eyes was staring at him, rounded with dark circles, and the crooked smile that widened in front of him was full of cuts. It was broken. Danny gasped, and looked at Steve's pale face.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" asked Danny, but not madly. It wasn't an angry voice; it was a broken, sad voice. It was the voice that summed up a million emotions. It was the '_I am so glad you're home; I've been a mess'_ voice.

Danny took a deep breath.

Steve was back.

Danny gasped - noticing drops of red blood drip on the floor, and Steve's shirt soaked in blood.

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A/N2; Here's what happened – the house exploded but the SEALs escaped through the window and that is why it seemed that they didn't escape on time. Jet is Steve's SEAL buddy, and Steve tells him that he is _citizen erased_ because now the team is convinced that he is really dead. Rogers was caught by the SEAL team nine, including Steve, and was eliminated. Chin knew that Steve was alive because he had talked to Governor Denning, while Danny was outside (previous chapter).

What will happen next – we've pretty much got one or two chapters left! If you have any questions or doubts or anything, feel free to message me!

P.S. The cliff hanger was fun, wasn't it? ;)


	8. These Open Arms

**These Open Arms**

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A/N; I was so tired and I don't know whether this is good enough but I hope you enjoy it.

P.S. Apologies for any mistakes & thank you for reading and reviewing!

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„Danny," a quiet whisper came out of Steve's mouth. It was almost mute, barely there. The room was completely silent. The whisper was stuck in Danny's head, and it was filling his body with warmth. The silence that reigned the room had never been so loud, and the whisper finally escaped Danny's head. Flashing at the blood, Danny winced. Every inch of his body moved immediately.

"Fuck," cursed Danny to himself. Steve's sudden appearance caught him off guard; Danny was jumping around, trying to do something whilst Steve's eyes were peering at him calmly. "Uh, I'll call 911, just, uh, just – stay here, okay?" his voice was sharp. It was a bit nervous, which wasn't surprising. The one thing that was unusual, though, was the fact that his voice sounded almost – cold. Danny seemed distant. He seemed angry, and betrayed, and played.

But no – he didn't seem.

He _was_.

A part of him wanted to yell at Steve, into his face, and tell him to get out. The other part, however, was very aware of the blood that had slowly made a little puddle on the floor.

"Hey," called Steve, barely talking. Danny turned around whilst Steve, limping towards the sofa, was holding his hand over his abdomen. "Put it down."

Danny lifted his head up, and didn't press _call_. Observing Steve, in a bit of a shock, Danny's mouth opened. "_Excuse me_? You're bleeding – as pale as this very wall – what do you mean _put it down?_ I'm not putting it down! I'm not letting you bleed out here!"

"I said put it down," ordered Steve, without the old glow in his eyes. The voice coming from his mouth was now louder. For a man who had kept his friends convinced that he was dead, he seemed as if he didn't care.

Danny stared at him as Steve sat on the couch.

"Fine," he crossed his arms, and he had never wanted to punch something more in his life than now. Preferably Steve's face. With a brick. "Would you tell me what's going on?" demanded Danny with a straight face. Yes, he was angry but he had a funny feeling in his stomach – like he had been homesick for so long and now, he was finally home.

"Nothing," uttered Steve while removing the drenched shirt which he had just ripped off. Danny closed his eyes a second too late – the picture of Steve's bruised and cut chest would stay in his head for a while. A deep cut was stretched across his stomach, and it seemed irrelevant comparing to the nasty wound below it. Danny bit his tongue.

"I'm calling the ambulance," he managed to say, even though he almost threw up.

"No!" shouted Steve. Danny looked away and dialled.

In the next moment, Danny was lying on the floor, his face pressing the cold floor. Steve grabbed the phone out of his hand and slowly stood up. The reason he was slow wasn't the pain he was feeling. It was the fact that he had just tackled Danny.

"_What-the-hell_," gnashed Danny, his eyes piercing at Steve once he faced him. Danny put his hands on the ground and pushed himself up. "You know what?" he uttered, and his voice was raspy, and Steve could hear it in his voice – that he was shaking. Steve clenched the phone, and took a few steps back, just so he could lean against the wall.

"See this?" asked Danny poisonously. Reaching his hands out, Danny clenched his fists, though he couldn't clench his left one. It was from _that_ night. "Huh? I punched a stone wall with all my strength. I heard the bones crack but that didn't stop me from punching it once again. I almost smashed every single bone in my fist. Can you see that? Huh?" he whispered hoarsely, and ran a hand down his face.

"And this," he then showed Steve his wrists and hands, covered in white scars. "One night, I was at Chin's. Just washing the dishes – you know – the usual stuff you do when your best friend dies," said Danny, and Steve winced. It was like a slap in the face. "And _a song_ came on the radio and, uh... I just looked at my hands and all I could see was blood and smashed plates. Tiny pieces of china on the floor and..." Danny closed his eyes for a moment. "I told Grace you flew away. I told her you'd be back. You know what's the sad thing? I never believed any of it. Not for a second," said Danny and madly marched to the door. Putting his hand on the doorknob, he suddenly stopped.

A genuine sob escaped Steve's mouth. It was loud. The rain started falling outside, and Danny felt his heart skip a beat. It reminded him of the night he thought he had lost everything. Well, the night he thought he had lost _Steve_. Danny slowly turned around.

It was like falling asleep. Danny felt all the numbness go away as he saw the tears roll down Steve's cheeks. Sat on the floor, Steve was broken.

Danny's feet moved, and he walked to Steve and reached his hand out. Danny felt his lower lip tremble. Steve's cold hand grabbed Danny's, and he pulled him up. Then, completely wrenched, Steve hugged Danny.

Tears were weeping down his face as he was numbly staring ahead, tightly hugging his friend who he had missed so much. Afraid he wouldn't recognize him, even if he recognized his tired eyes, he was afraid he wouldn't see the glow there once was. Now, he was only thinking about the painful sound of the rain which silently snuck up and awoke all the old, throbbing memories. Steve didn't even know how to start, what to say and how to justify himself. There was no excuse, and Danny needed just _one_ reason so badly. One and only reason why he had gone and why everything had suddenly become so hollow inside him.

Except – words weren't necessary.

Finally the tears soaked Danny's shirt, and he hugged Steve so hard as if he never wanted to let go. And he didn't want to – he couldn't even think of Steve leaving anymore. All the sorrow, all the anger simply vanished and made a place for the sobs that echoed the room. Danny felt nothing, he only knew that he needed this hug more than air.

Slowly letting go, Steve only just looked him in the eye. Danny looked so weary and beaten. He looked as if all luck had suddenly abandoned him – in just one second – and irretrievably got lost. Then he realised that Danny _knew._ He _understood._

Always, he was there for him – he had his back. And although he was furious and hurt, he knew that Steve wouldn't abandon him just like that. There would have to be a reason, any reason. Only, the reason wasn't his own will but the responsibility, the duty he had for his country and people – the responsibility to be a hero – even if he wasn't one. Danny knew Steve from the second he first saw him. Now he was looking at the very same face and he felt proud. Danny felt that the unbearable pain in his chest had stopped smothering him.

"Danny," murmured Steve and rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears.

"I know everything," he said sharply and looked at the ground.

"I know you might never forgive me but I... I am no one. And nothing. Try to understand."

"Hey! You had my back even when thought you were gone, right? You were there all the time and _never_ really left. You made me so mad, I can't even describe it, you jerk. You're Steve McGarrett, okay?"

"I..." uttered Steve.

"You have no idea how much it hurt. But I bet it hurt you a lot more, buddy. You... you'll always be the hero, Steve. You never really left anyone. Leave no man behind, don't you remember?

"I remember."

"So how could I ever, for God's sake, leave you?"

Steve glanced at him in disbelief and let himself smile for the first time in months. His mouth stretched into a wide smile, and the pain in his stomach began to lessen. He was someone and something, and now he was completely sure about it.


	9. Don't Look Back In Anger

Don't Look Back In Anger

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**A/N;** Um, hi. I suppose you might be a bit angry with me for not updating for so long. I AM SO SORRY. I really am. Things kept me busy and I really didn't feel like writing for reasons... but I'm back now! I promise I won't ever leave this fic again for so long.

So, if you're still into it, I have something fluffy in this chapter. It's short, yeah, but it's been a while so I didn't want to throw a long, Danny!whump / Steve!whump chapter at you. Those will be back, though ;)

Anyway, thank you for reading & reviewing and all the good stuff! I appreciate it!

Stay awesome!

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With her head on the desk, Kono's arm winced to the sound of her phone going off, and she accidentally pushed a pile of papers at the corner of her desk, and they fell on the floor – making a big mess. Kono let out a loud sigh, and she looked at her phone. Torn between cleaning the mess up and picking up the phone that was dancing on the shiny surface of the wooden desk, Kono missed the chance to answer. It was Chin. Of course it was Chin.

Lately Kono hadn't been herself at all; she was oddly quiet most of the time, and she developed a strange fear of explosions which made her unable to do her job properly. And every day became the same – fighting paperwork that never seemed to lessen – there were always reports to write and blank papers to fill. It became her routine, and it was eating her up inside – slowly. She missed the feeling of her gun under her fingers, the shiny surface under the light, and the feeling of protection when she had it with her. There was something about the gun that made her feel _warm_. Now, it was distant to her, and every time she'd pick it up, she'd put it back down. It felt cold – it felt strange. Kono hadn't held her gun in weeks. She hadn't been okay in a long time, until –

"Need help with that?" a hoarse, painfully familiar voice called out, and Kono raised her head up. It was Steve – from head to toe – it was her favourite Commander, her dearest boss, her craziest _friend_. Now she wasn't so sure if he still was all of those things, but one glance at him was enough. With two cups of coffee in his hands, Steve found his way into Kono's office. Putting the cups on the desk, Steve rushed to help Kono collect the papers. Awkward silence reigned the room until they both sat down, one opposite another, and Kono kept staring at the paper in front of her, like there was something interesting written on it. The truth was – she was so broken, and scared –that she couldn't face Steve. The dread of him leaving was filling her up inside again, as she tried _so hard_ to block the memories from the past few months. She needed answers, she needed them badly, and at the same time – she didn't want them. Getting answers from Steve would mean going back _there_. She didn't want that. All she wanted was to forget – she wanted to be okay. Another thing Kono wanted was – she needed Steve to be okay. For her – for the team – and she knew that Steve _wasn't_ okay.

"I hear you've been trapped in here a lot lately," he said in an almost cheerful tone, like a joke would make all the bad memories go away, like it would heal all the wounds – like it was magical.

"Yeah," nodded Kono and reached for the coffee. Steve smiled at her as he noticed it. "_Oh – _can I?"

"Of course, I brought it for you," he said reassuringly and Kono brought the cup closer to her mouth. The smell of the fresh coffee was intoxicating, and as she took a sip, Kono tasted _happiness_. It wasn't about the best coffee on island; it was about what it represented. It reminded her of early mornings in the office, sipping coffee with Steve and his grumpy self, making stupid jokes about Danny's weather issues; long nights after challenging cases, when Steve would bring coffee for some strange reason, like she needed it after shooting someone, but the warmth would always soothe her, and there was something special about those coffee breaks with Steve, they acted like they could escape the paperwork if they just had a cup of coffee and bickered about everything being the same.

"Thank you," she whispered and put it on the desk, forcing herself to forget about all of that. Steve's eyes were fixed at her, and she felt slightly mad – it seemed as if he was waiting for her to speak. Kono was confused, she was completely sure he was the one that ought to talk first. After everything.

"Can I ask you something – Kono?" his voice was terribly calm and friendly, she felt like she was listening to music, in a way, and it made her feel better, even though she knew she should be upset. Kono needed him to shut up so she could yell at him, tell him how much he's hurt her, _all of them_ and tell him to go screw himself. But at the same time – she needed him to answer the simplest question – _why_.

"Uh-uh," she nodded, glancing at him quickly. He hadn't changed much, except that he seemed utterly sad. Maybe a little lost, too.

"When did paperwork become better than saving lives?" he asked without hesitation, and it sounded a bit more rough rather than curious, and Steve immediately regretted his question. Kono stared at him coldly and said nothing for a few moments. Just as Steve was about to apologize, Kono's mouth opened.

"When did the past become better than the present?" she asked. Her tone was sharp, angry perhaps. Steve seemed caught off guard. His eyebrows narrowed and the fearless, strict mask was on his face again. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"No," he said quickly. "Don't be. You're right. And you have the right to be angry, Kono-"

"I'm not angry, Steve! I'm _not_!" her voice was louder than she wanted it to be but there was nothing she could do to control the sudden burst of feelings. There was a moment of silence before Kono spoke again. Not right away – she needed a second or two to get over Steve's expression. It would have been so much easier if he was the bad guy, if he really wanted to hurt them, if he felt superior to them. But – it wasn't like that. Steve was sat opposite her with guilt eating him up inside, and he looked terribly sad, not because they were angry with him, but because they were hurt because of him. He hurt them, whether or not he wanted to, and there wasn't a way to fix things. Perhaps things would fall into their place eventually but no one could erase the past few months. Some things don't go away.

"I just really hate all of this. I wish I could be angry, but I'm not. We still love you, Steve. You'll always be the crazy guy who became our rock. That's why I can't be angry, because I know you. I know it's not your fault. And that's the reason I'm not angry – I'm just really hurt. All of this hurt me so much, and it's not your fault, but – I wish it was... so I could be angry at someone. _Anyon_e," spoke Kono hoarsely. Steve uttered to speak a few times but he really didn't know what to say. Words were stuck in his throat. After all, what could he possibly say?

"Kono... I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what to do. I realize that things won't be the same anymore. I just want you to know that all that time, I kept thinking about you. I never forgot you, and you were the reason I came back. I could have stayed... dead, I guess. I just want you to know I came back for you. _Ohana_ brought me back. The cuts, the bruises, the broken bones... none of that mattered, as long as I'd come back. As long as I'd get a chance... As long as I could look all of you in the eyes again. I... never deserved you guys. You never deserved this."

Kono kept looking away. She wanted to look at Steve but – she couldn't. His tired, watery eyes were making her cry. All she wanted was to hug him tightly and scream for hours, just cry on his shoulder and feel the warmth of his strong arms, and the smell of his hair... Kono needed her friend back, she needed him to save her. She needed him to make the pain go away. Except – how could he when he was the one who brought the pain in the first place?

Slowly standing up, Steve reached his shaky hand out. Kono glanced at it, and winced. Steve picked up the cup, and Kono felt even sadder. A part of her wanted him to reach his hand out to _her_ and hug her, and tell her it'll be okay. She needed to watch stupid, action films with him, and laugh endlessly on the beach, and have pointless conversations about guns during coffee breaks... She simply needed all the good things back.

"Hey, Steve," she said right before he opened the door. Steve stopped, and bit his lower lip hard, with his back turned at her. "Just so you know, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to leave the past behind, and turn a new page. No one should ever take that away from you again," her voice was trembling and all of a sudden, tears streamed down her face. Steve turned around, let the cup collide with the floor, and embraced her tightly. Kono dug her head into his blue shirt, and they didn't move for a while. They needed each other – it was the only way to get better.

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A/N2; Well, I hope you liked it. More McDanno coming up so stay tuned! ;)


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